GAMES
by JoshPLL
Summary: "I hate it when he plays with my mind like that..." The relationship made of GAMES. Spoby.
1. Chapter 1

_Games_

* * *

I hated it when he played with my mind like that. I saw him glancing over at me, but I refused to look back again. I had already looked at him once, and I'm _positive_ he noticed me. It had been so long since I had seen that face, and I wanted it back so badly, but it's no longer mine. I felt like he had no intentions on trying to win me back. I looked at the ground before turning back to Aria. She noticed that I was looking at him before, and she knew that I wanted to go talk to him right now. She put a gentle hand on my shoulder.

She tried to give me a comforting smile. "I know it hurts, Spence. Do you want to go talk to him right now? I'll come with you if you want," she whispered softly, to ensure that he wouldn't hear us talking. I gave her a weak smile. Was that what I wanted?

I shook my head, "I can't talk to him after all that we've been through."

Aria bit her lip. I knew she was going to make me get through this. "You can't avoid your problems forever. I know it's been a few months since you've spoken to him, and things are probably rocky for you guys... You've been through a lot, and I understand. Just don't run away from him. I'm sure he wants to talk about this just as much as you do."

I wanted to run home and crawl into bed and cry all night! My mouth was dry, I didn't know what to say. She was right... Avoiding my problems is a horrible idea. But I didn't _want_ any problems! I wanted to be free from all of this crap in my way. Life was good before the death of Ali. Well, not exactly, but still... Around that time, before I started getting involved with Ian, Melissa, Garrett, Jason, and all those people around Rosewood; that's the time when things were going great. I was doing great in my AP classes, and everybody was friendly.

Now my grades are dropping, and my life is crumbling. It hurts to leave someone you love. I wish I never broke his heart. But I _had_ to. What other choice did I have? It was either end things with him or have the both of us get hurt. Yes, this emotionally hurt both of us, but I mean physically.

"Will you come with me?" I pleaded. "I don't know if I can face him alone. What if he hates me now? I was such a jerk to him before he left town with Jenna. I don't know if I'm ready for this, Aria. Should I go for it?"

Aria smiled, "Of course you should. I'll come there to support you. How can he hate you if he loved you before?"

Feelings change, doesn't she know? Yes, those stupid _feelings_ have taken over my life! That _and_ -A. The two worst things on this planet. Imagine giving up everything you love. It really sucks.

I sheepishly was walking, my heart racing. I could hear my heart beating faster and faster as I got closer to him. Aria's hand was still resting on my shoulder, and it comforted me a little, but not enough to overcome this fear. He _noticed me_. I saw the cold glare in his eyes. Those deep blue eyes, deeper than ever... Those were the mesmerizing eyes! I missed them so much, and I wanted the smile on his face back. All I saw right now was anger and hate in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to saw me in half right now... Does he really hate me that much?

I felt my palms heating up. Fear was overcoming my body. The tension was building up. I was getting closer to him. The anger was growing in his eyes.

_I stopped_.

Aria gave me a light tap. She narrowed her eyebrows and whispered, "Spence, why'd you stop? Keep going, you're almost there. He noticed you, so don't leave him hanging right now. You're just making him angrier! I _know_ he wants to talk to you. He can't resist."

That made me want to continue. How could I let him get angrier? He was already super mad at me, and I wasn't going to sit there and let it build up. I know I had to overcome the fear that was overcoming my body, if that makes any sense to you. Basically, I had to go up to him and just talk this out. What comforted me was that Aria was by my side right now. It helped to know she was here supporting me.

What was he going to say the moment I walked up to him? _That_. That right there...

_That_ would be the scariest moment in time. What if it froze and kept replaying in my head if something went wrong? I don't want to have that clip of him screaming at me and telling me to "get lost!" in my head! I hate knowing he's mad at me.

What shocked me was that it wasn't me that started the conversation. It was _him_.

As I got closer, he knew I was going to want to talk to him. He decided to just start this early. As I progressed towards him, he said, "Spencer," and then paused for a moment, "it's been awhile, hasn't it?"

I nodded slowly. Where was this going?

"Do you want to play anymore games with my mind?" He snapped. I could see he was eagerly trying to start a fight with me. "It's all fun and games with you, isn't it? Yeah, it's all fun and games until somebody loses the game and gets their heart broken. Looks like I'm a sore loser of your games, doesn't it?"

Games? Did he really think that everything I did was just a stupid little 'game'? I really loved him... And I feel like I'm still attracted to him. How could I get over him after that awful incident because of -A? It wasn't like I _wanted _to play a game with him and crush him at it. Now he thinks I'm just a liar that led him on. Is that all he'll ever think of me? A stupid liar that led him on?

"You need to talk," Aria said, "so just do it."

He smirked, "I'm talking. I asked her a question, too."

I could feel my legs trembling as his words coldly dropped out of his mouth. He was aiming his mouth like a gun, shooting each word at me, and it hit me like a bullet, causing pain to my body. I wanted to just see his happy face again, like the day we first kissed. I hated seeing this cold guy, it hurt me inside. I opened my mouth to respond to him, but what was I supposed to say? I was just standing there, thinking of something to say that wouldn't sound dumb.

I bit my lip and said, "You're going to shut me out again?"

He smirked at me again. "You think _I'm_ shutting you out? That's what you were doing to me throughout our whole relationship. Man, am I glad that I dodged your bullet. You were a waste of time. You shut me out, and you expected me to trust you anyways. I'm glad we're over. We weren't meant to be together. Maybe we could've been happy together if you didn't shut me out."

I knew I had to say something. I couldn't stand here and take this. "Look, I know you're mad, but... Do you have to be that guy that doesn't let anybody in? Are you going to be icy cold to me for the rest of our lives? Are we not friends at all anymore? I had my reasons to do what I did, and if I could tell you, I would. But there's so much you don't know, and never will know! It can't be said this quickly. If you're not going to wait for me, I understand. You deserve someone better than me. Someone you can actually trust, and someone that lets you in all the time. I've always been forced to shut you out. I had reasons, just know that. Aria, before I start crying... _Can we please get the hell out of here_?"

I was seriously about to break down into tears. He was being so cold to me! He told me he dodged a bullet being with me. He told me we're not meant to be together. He told me that _our relationship was a waste of time_. Did he mean it the way it felt? That's how he said it, of course he meant it...

Aria bit her lip. She gave him a look of anger before turning back to me. At least I have a good friend at my side. She's really helping me. I would've been crying if I didn't have her shoulder to lean on right now. Thank god for her!

"Spencer," He tried to stop me.

"Walk faster." I urged.

I couldn't turn back to look him in his cold eyes again. I knew he wanted to keep talking this out. But I'm not going to stand there and talk to him after he told me that everything we had was a waste of time! I only shut him out for his own good. I basically just saved his life and kept him from dying!

"You were strong to do that," Aria told me when we got back to her place, "you did good, Spence."

Now that I was home, I was ready to fall into my box of hurt emotions. All I was feeling was sadness right now. "This is terrible... I was really hoping it would go better than that. After months of being separated from him, and thinking about him everyday- he breaks my heart and tells me that we were a waste of time? He told me he doesn't love me, and didn't like our relationship... Aria..."

"Don't think about that jerk," Aria tried to comfort me, and I'm glad she was trying hard, "_he's_ the real waste of time. He shouldn't have said that to you. That was so rude of him. Can't he learn to talk things out like a real man? If he really loves you, he'll come back. There's hope for you two."

"You don't understand; I still love him, but he doesn't love me!" I cried. "There's no hope for us! He doesn't want us to be together anymore!"

"That's not true," She said, "you don't know what he's feeling inside, Spence. He's just as hurt as you, maybe more. He was probably _wounded_ from when you dumped him. Maybe he's still healing, and his wound is bigger than yours. It might take longer. But if he'll let that wound to heal, he'll come back to you and apologize for all those rude things he said to you today. Now, I'm gonna call the rest of the girls over. You hang tight, Spence,"

I nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

_Games_

_Chapter 2_

* * *

__My head was buried into the pillow. All I could think about was _him_... He was the love of my life, how do you expect me to forget about him? Well, at least I _thought_ he was the love of my life. He doesn't want anything to do with me now. It was the biggest mistake of my life to end things with him, I really regret it. But it wasn't my decision; I was _forced _to do all the things I did.

What hurt me: _He told me I was a waste of time_.

It replayed in my head, the sound of his icy words, and he hissed at me like that. Does he hate me now?

"They'll be over in a minute," Aria informed me, putting her phone in the pocket of her jeans, "Spence, you doing alright over there? You look like a mess... I know it hurts right now, and it probably stings like hell, but you need to take a deep breath and relax."

I picked myself up from the bed. Relax? _Relax?_ Is she freakin' crazy? How am I supposed to relax right now? I was already born tense, so she can't expect me to be any less tense after the ex-boyfriend that I thought I was in love with told me he basically doesn't want anything to do with me, and told me he didn't like being together! There's no way I can relax right now._  
_

Well, I can't blame him. He deserves a girl that can be honest and will always let him in. I constantly ignored him because of my obsessions with unmasking -A, and I could never tell him the truth. He deserves an honest girl that trusts him and can _be_ trusted. He doesn't trust me anymore, and that's for sure.

"I'm a tense person," I bit my lip, "it's impossible for me to relax,"

Aria slid in next to me.

"To be honest... _He _doesn't deserve _you_," She smiled at me, "that was so mean of him to say that to you. Even if you weren't always honest to him, that's the worst way to go with a girl. You should be glad he's gone."

"That doesn't help," I shook my head, "but thanks for trying... Aria, I really thought we were in love. I can't forget him, and I need him. I can't 'be glad' that he's gone. I can only be unhappy about it. I don't want him to be gone, I want him to be here with me right now. I want to be close to him again, and I want him to trust me again. I want to hug him again, and I want to kiss him again, and _dammit_! I miss him so much,"

Aria looked at me with a sorry look, "You remember what I said; he'll come back to you if he knows it's right. Let's see if that boy is smart enough to realize that he can't get over a girl that fast. I bet you he can't forget about you like that, and he misses you. _Everyone in Rosewood_ could see that you two were in love! How do you think he can forget the girl that he was in love with? He was in love with you, too. It was obvious."

I found myself hugging Aria. She was so supportive through it all. If Ali was still alive, I bet she'd tell me that I should just get over it. Sometimes she could be the biggest bitch in the world, and I just could hate Ali so much! But sometimes she was a supportive friend... Not much, though. She could never be as supportive as Aria was being to me right now. Aria's a true friend, and always will be.

* * *

Hanna and Emily walked in my bedroom. They came over and sat down next to us. "Hey Spence, hey Aria... What's the big stuff going on right now? What did you need us here for?"

"It's nothing about -A," Aria began, "it's about Spencer and _Toby_."

"He's back from Jenna's surgery?" Emily's eyes widened. "What happened with you two? Did he want to get back together with you?"

Holy crap, they're just making me wanna cry more! He didn't ask me to get back together with him, he did the _opposite_ of that. Way to go, Em... Why would she guess that? Doesn't it look like I've just been bawling for ages? It feels like my eyes are all puffy from the crying. I hate that feeling in my eyes.

"Em... Not a good thing to say." Aria warned.

Hanna's eyes widened now. "Did he...?"

Aria nodded.

Hanna put her arm around me, "Spence, I'm so sorry! I... I can't believe he'd just do something like that to you. What exactly happened? Just talk it out to us. Maybe it'll make you feel better about all of this."

I began with the story, "I saw him walking, and Aria urged me to talk to him, so I finally got the guts and went over to him. He was _already_ being cold to me, and I could pretty much see that he's still mad at me about us breaking up. He told me that we were a waste of time and that... And that... _He's glad it's over_!" I was about to start bawling again. That didn't make me feel better at all. It made me feel _worse_ to think about it more. Hanna needs to work on her coping methods, because they're not very helpful. They're just damn painful!

Aria bit her lip and stared at Hanna, "Han, maybe that wasn't the _best _way to try to let Spence cope..."

"I'm sorry," She said.

"It's not your fault." I told her, wiping another tear from my eyes.

"Spence, it _is my fault_..." Hanna sighed, taking a deep breath. What the hell was she talking about? Something happened... She was looking at me with this sorry look. I just let her go on. "Toby called me as I was coming over here. I knew I should've let him talk to you, but I told him to stop bothering me, and told him that you're not with me right now. Also, yesterday he kept asking me about you, and I told him that you think he's a jerk-"

"You did _what__?_" I couldn't help but allow my eyes to widen. She did not just tell me that, though! She helped Toby get mad at me? How could she...? I don't know if I want to punch Hanna in the face right now. She was wincing with fear right now.

"Spencer..." She mumbled. "Spence... Please... I'm... So... Sorry..." She facepalmed herself.

Toby was probably mad that I apparantly told Hanna that he's a jerk. I would never call him a jerk unless he _really _did something bad! Most of this was my fault; the reason we broke up and stuff (with the major part of -A). But he probably thought that I was blaming him for everything that happened, and he said everything out of hate to me. He really does hate me right now, doesn't he?

"Don't freak out, Spence," Emily bit her lip, "you should just go sort things out with him, and tell him you never said that. And you probably need Hanna to go with you to clear things up. Just tell him it was a misunderstanding, and he'll believe you. Don't pin Han down..."

"He'll barely talk to me!" I cried. "In fact, he _won't_ talk to me anymore!"

"I'm not gonna sit here and let you suffer anymore," Hanna sighed, "this is all my fault. I'm gonna fix this for you. Come with me, Spence. We're _talking_ to Toby, and he's gonna regret everything he said to you, and he'll realize that you love him. He'll take back his hate."

Maybe I don't have to hate Hanna...


End file.
